


skeleton flower

by moonbeso



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Pining, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Unrequited Love, i think who knows we'll see, mayb hehe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-04-23 03:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeso/pseuds/moonbeso
Summary: Diphylleia grayi, also known as the skeleton flower, or glass flower, has white petals that turn translucent with rain. When dry, they revert to white.Juliana has loved flowers all her life.Soon enough she would learn that it's the things we love most, that destroy us.





	1. bloom for you

**Author's Note:**

> hanahaki disease (花吐き病)  
> is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies.

 

 

 The first time Juliana felt something change inside of her was when she first met Valentina. It was subtle at first, slowly building itself inside her rib cage, quietly asking for her attention. She felt the shift the moment the blue-eyed girl looked into her eyes, as if a seed had been planted into her chest.

“ _Valentina_ ”, she introduced herself, extending a friendly hand. As Juliana reached out to greet her, the tug in her chest demanded to be heard, as if it had been waiting for this moment a long time.

“ _Juliana_ ”, she greeted back, trying her best to ignore the foreign feeling. The girl in front of her smelled sweet, like a mix of vanilla and fresh mint. Her soft smile didn’t quite reach her red and puffy eyes and all Juliana wanted to do was to  make her feel better.  

Earlier in that same evening, the girl had witnessed Valentina argue with a man whom she assumed to be her boyfriend in the middle of the street. Juliana wasn’t one to pry in anyone else’s business, however, the scene was very upsetting and as she saw the same girl sitting by herself at the park bench, drinking in the middle of the day, she knew she had to do something.

The logical, reserved part of her brain begged her to let it go. She knew better than to intrude in a vulnerable moment like this, where one would clearly rather to be left alone. _To hell with logic,_ she thought as she approached the beautiful girl in front of her.

That was the first sign of how quickly she would lose control.

In that evening, the first seed started to grow.

 

* * *

 

 

Juliana was half submerged in the pool, floating with the help of Valentina. The cold water surrounded her but all she could feel was the heat from the other girl holding her in her arms. She was weary about learning how to swim at first, not completely comfortable with the idea of putting so much trust into Valentina that fast. It took a lot for her to learn how to trust anybody, but as soon as those puppy eyes shot her a pleading look, she knew she didn’t stand a chance.

“ _You need to let go,”_ Valentina giggled as Juliana kept the tight grip on her arms. She could not decide if her hesitation to let go was for fear of sinking or for not wanting to lose the close contact with the other girl.

“ _I won’t let go of you”_ , Valentina said with a small voice, “ _Do you trust me?”,_ Juliana could only nod, not trusting her own voice not to quiver.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could feel firm fingers holding her up, slowly traveling throughout her back and sending a shiver through her spine. It was hard focusing on the task of staying afloat while she could feel Valentina’s hot breath so close to her face.

She didn’t dare to open her eyes, knowing the close proximity would be enough to send her sinking to the depths of the pool.

“ _You’re floating…”_ she heard the girl whisper, painfully close. Juliana was sure that if she opened her eyes right this instant, there would be ocean eyes staring right into her soul.

As she debated her options, a loud voice echoing Valentina’s name chose it for her.

“ _What are you doing here, Lucho?”_ she said, untangling herself from the dark haired girl.

Juliana immediately missed the contact, suddenly aware of how cold the pool actually was. At the edge of the pool stood Valentina’s boyfriend, Lucho, alongside a friend who waved at them both.

 _“Well, nothing. We were passing by and I wanted to stop and say hello. And who is this?”,_ he asked, making Juliana feel weirdly self-aware. She didn’t like him, and his friend stared at her as if she was nothing but prey.

“ _Juliana. She’s a friend of mine”,_ Valentina said slowly, staring at her. 

She felt something itch in her throat, as the tug in her chest painfully reminded her that it was still there. She weakly waved at both boys, excusing herself to the side of the pool. Juliana wanted nothing more than to return to the bubble both of them were in just moments ago.

She could see the other boy approach her as she got out of the pool, flashing her a smirk she was sure he thought of as charming. She had to fight the urge to roll her eyes.

 _Men_ , she thought, _always the same._

As he weakly attempted to start a conversation with her, Juliana’s focus was somewhere else.

The itch in her throat grew stronger as she watched Valentina rapidly talk with her boyfriend. The boy, Sergio, as she had just learned, kept trying to win her attention, not realizing it was a lost cause.

As Lucho pulled Valentina into a rough embrace, Juliana felt her throat burn. She forced down a cough, scolding herself mentally for letting Valentina convince her to swim in this cold weather.

The last thing she need right now was to get sick.

 

* * *

 

One of Juliana’s earliest memories in life was the sounds of her father’s rage. A symphony of angry shouting, broken things and her mother desperately begging him to stop.

She remembers locking herself in the tiny bathroom of their trailer, covering her ears and closing her eyes, choking on her own tears as she tried to escape yet another fit of rage. She could never understand his motives, she could only understand one thing: in her father’s mind, it was always her fault.

Her father hated her, and she hated him.

As much as she tried not to resent her mother, deep down she would always feel the pain of spending her entire life seeing Lupita love and take care of the man who did nothing but hurt her.

Her father was the first person to teach her that men were not worthy of her affection and trust, and every single one after him did nothing but prove her point even further.

Lucho was one of them. 

Every time Juliana saw him with Valentina something burned inside of her chest.

She could not understand why such an amazing woman like Valentina would force herself to be in a relationship with such type. He was rude, loud, obnoxious and violent. He reminded her of her father and that thought alone was enough to make her sick whenever she saw them together.

That’s what she thought was happening at first. She thought the resemblance to her own father made her dislike the boy so much that the cold shivers she felt around him were nothing else other than the old memories flooding back.

As much as she tried, the sick feeling only grew stronger. More vile. Whenever she saw him hugging Valentina, kissing her or even standing too close, she felt invisible hands crushing her rib cage, making it hard to breathe around them.

After a particular rough movie night with them at the Carvajal house, she excused herself to the bathroom, nearly tripping over everything in her way.

She is seized by a violent coughing fit as soon as she enters the restroom, throwing herself over the toilet. Tears start burning at her eyes while she sees nothing but waves of white, her chest so tight she feels like it was about to tear itself open. _Something_ is pushing itself forcibly out of her mouth and Juliana feels dizzy. She’s retching for what seems like hours and she can’t _breathe_.

She is shaking and sweating by the time she’s done. Her vision is blurry and her throat completely raw. She doesn’t have time to think about the possible reasons for her sickness before she sees in horror what is floating in front of her.

There, mixed with blood and bile, a few dozen transparent flower petals floated in the water.


	2. from the outside

Juliana has always loved flowers. She grew up fascinated by their colors and the different scents, always learning everything she could about them.

As a child, she would spend most of the time she could away from their trailer. One of the things she loved the most was sitting at the local park for hours and sketching all kinds of flowers and plants around her. That’s where her love for drawing began.

When she turned 11, her mother bought her a book of botany for her birthday, with a special issue focused on floriculture and the anatomy of flowers. Due to their financial situation, she cherished every single gift she got with all of her heart. She had spent the next few months memorizing every bit of information she could and copying all the illustrations in her worn out sketchbook.

When she 13, El Chino destroyed the book along with her sketchbook after she dared to raise her voice at him after a fight. After that, it took a long while for the mere sight of flowers not to unearth unpleasant memories all over again.

Juliana had to learn at a very young age that loving things was a dangerous game for someone like her.

As she stared in horror at the scene in front of her, all she could do was laugh without a hint of humor in her voice.

She recognized the flowers right away, of course she did. _Skeleton flower,_ also known as glass flower. A very special and unique type of bloom that would turn its petals transparent while in contact with water. It had fascinated young Juliana as she had never seen anything like it, and she thought she never would as that specific type of flower only grew in the cold mountains of Japan and China.

And yet here she was, staring dumbfounded at dozens of them, wishing more than anything she could swallow them back and pretend they were nothing more than just an old illustration she once saw in her book.

“ _Juliana?_ ” She heard a muffled voice coming from the other side of the door. “ _Is everything okay?”_

Panic settled in as she got forced back into reality. _Was_ everything okay? She had no idea, the only thing she knew is that she had to get out of there.

“ _Hmm… yeah. Everything is fine. Just give me a minute._ ” The strain in her throat showing as her voice failed with the lie.

She flushed the toilet and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked more pale than normal, but other than that everything looked fine. She was _fine._ It was just something she ate, she tried to logic with herself. Something she ate with skeleton flowers in it. Totally normal. Could happen to  anyone.

“ _Val, I think I might head home_ …” she mumbled returning to the room.

“ _What? No, wait...”_ she watched as Valentina struggled to get out of Lucho’s embrace to reach her. “ _Lucho, move already!”_ she said annoyed, quickly running up to stand in front of Juliana.

“ _What happened? Are you sick?_ ”, she whispered for only them to hear. Juliana’s heart clenched as she saw the worry in those piercing blue orbs. She could never lie to them, somehow she felt as if those eyes could see her entire soul.

“ _Yeah… something like that, I guess. Might be the flu.”_ That wasn’t a lie, technically. It wasn’t entirely the true either, but how could she ever explain to Valentina that she just had just coughed up a whole bouquet in her bathroom? Valentina was understanding but even _that_ was too much.

“ _Oh, okay… I’ll ask Alirio to take you home then_.” Her concerned voice was low and soft, as if talking too loud would only make Juliana feel worse.

Somehow her softness made it harder to breathe, the petals threatening at her throat once again.

 

* * *

 

A week later, it happened again. Juliana had almost convinced herself that the previous incident was nothing but her imagination. Perhaps she _did_ eat something bad that day that made her delirious.

Despite her religious upbringing, Juliana was a girl of science. She believed in what she could touch, see and explain and there was no scientific proof for what she had just experienced. People just didn’t go around coughing up flowers out of nowhere, it just did _not_ happen.

So she decided that it was just that, a figment of her imagination. A freak, isolated incident that would not repeat itself.

Until it did.

Valentina had invited her over to keep her company for the day after her stepmother had been kidnapped. Because that was a thing that happened when you were part of the richest family in Mexico, apparently.

She did not expect to be greeted by Lucho and that boy Sergio, who was once again staring too intensely at her with his crooked smile. She most certainly did not expect Valentina to tell her in a schoo girl voice that Sergio had shown interest in her. Gross.

She did, however, expect the nasty fight that erupted between Valentina and Lucho, not too long after she arrived.

That’s how she found herself locked away with Valentina in her room, giggling about boys and their love life, or lack of one in her case.

 " _You’ve never been in love?”_ Juliana asked curiously, thinking about Valentina’s boyfriend being downstairs.

“ _No,_ ” she replied “ _I don’t even believe in that. I think it’s some sort of invention for silly people for September 14th…… February!_ ” she corrected herself with a laugh, “ _I don’t even know the actual date!_ ”

Juliana laughed along with her, trying not to think too hard about Valentina’s confession. After witnessing yet _another_ one of their fights, her confusion over their relationship only grew stronger. Why would she put up with someone like him¿ What was it in him that made her stay¿ It couldn’t be love, Valentina had just admitted that.

She also talked about her loneliness growing up, not in that many words, but Juliana could read between the lines. Maybe that was part of the reason, maybe Lucho was nothing but a crutch to her loneliness.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the man himself entering the room.

“ _They freed Lucia.”_ he said.

Good news, at last.

But as Juliana watched the scene unfold, her throat started tickling again.

 _“This is a family thing, don’t you think?_ Sergio said as he found her alone, and he was right. Juliana watched it from the outside, feeling the distance between her and Valentina grow wider. Lucho was there for her, even after their fight, and Juliana suddenly felt like an intruder in the house.

This was supposed to be a happy moment for her friend, guilt settling in her mind as she acknowledged that what she was feeling was _jealousy_. Pure, unadulterated jealousy.

Before she could register anything else, she’s holding another bundle of bloody flowers in her hands. The weight of the soft, wet petals and what they meant suddenly too heavy for her to process.  

She could no longer pretend it wasn’t real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its amazing how you can actually pinpoint the exact moment i completly gave up on this chapter god my mind........... the best part of this chapter was written while i was high on xanax so maybe take it easy alright guys its a whole process over here 
> 
> also do people prefer longer chapters that take longer to update or shorter chapters with more updates each week? let me know luvs
> 
> also shout out to my beta reader @rapturebus for having to deal with me having a breakdown over this shit show and correcting my stupid ass english


	3. here in the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lil longer chapter in honor of the best day this fandom has ever had ladies!!! enjoy

_Stupid weather,_ Juliana thought to herself. It was warm and bright, not a cloud in sight. Birds were chirping and kids were laughing everywhere she looked. It did not match her mood at all, she wanted it gloomy and dark. She wanted thunders and lightning and dark clouds everywhere. She wanted the world to match how she was feeling inside, for _something_ to make sense around her.

But still, all she could hear was laughter, all she could see was sunshine and all she could feel was pain. 

After three days since her incident at Valentina’s, she had decided that enough was enough, she could no longer pretend she was fine and she did not know for how long she could keep this from her mother. She also had been ignoring Valentina, not knowing what to do since her discovery that _somehow_ , her friend was connected to it.

She had awoken extra early to take the bus to the nearest hospital in town. 

As she sat by herself on the bus, she started to wonder if anyone around her might have been through something similar. She certainly never heard of it before, but as far as she knows, she might not be the only one to suffer from… _it_ . Whatever _it_ was.  

She felt silly for a moment, imagining herself standing up and asking ‘ _Hey guys, has anyone here been coughing up flowers as of lately? No? Just me? Okay, carry on’._ Might as well go straight to the psych ward. 

God, what was she supposed to even say to her doctor? Was anyone going to take her seriously? Maybe this was not a good idea, after all. Perhaps she was hallucinating it. Maybe she _should_ go straight to the psych ward.

As she started to doubt herself, her chest made a point to remind her that her pain was very much real. That her lungs still felt sore from the day before. That the blood she had to clean from her hands were not a figment of her imagination. No, this was real, and it was happening to her. She had to find a way to fix it. 

As she reached the hospital and made her way inside, her legs started to give in. She was about to have perhaps the most awkward conversation of her life. She could only hope she could get some answers from it, otherwise she was lost. 

“ _Ms. Valdés?_ ” A young nurse called her, “ _Doctor García is ready for you_.”

This is it, she thought. No turning back now. 

As she entered the office, she tried to quickly evaluate her doctor to see if he would be understanding of her case. Doctor García was a very old man, clearly with years of experience in the medical field. This was good, that meant he knew what he was doing, she thought. 

_“Nice to meet you Ms. Valdés, I’m Doctor García and I’ll be taking care of you this morning. From my understanding you’ve been having some issues with your respiratory system?”_

That was a nice way to put it. She nervously played with the rim of her shirt, trying to find the best way to explain it.

“ _Yeah, I guess you could say that_ .” She started. _“You see, in the past week I’ve had two... incidents.”_  

The doctor stared at her, giving her the time she needed to continue. 

“ _I’ve been… hmm… coughing up blood and…”_   _Just say it,_ she thought. _Get it over with it_. But she couldn’t. How could she? It sounded more absurd by the minute. 

Her hands were shaking as the doctor started scribbling something on his notes.

“ _Just blood? No mucus or anything else?”_  He asked behind his glasses. Juliana suppressed a laugh, feeling silly for wanting to be _just_ blood and mucus. That would make sense. Surely, she would be sick as hell, but still. It would make _sense_. 

“ _No mucus, just blood and…”_ She lowered her voice to an almost whisper, _“f-flower petals.”_

_“I’m sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.”_

_“Flower petals.”_ And there it was. She watched as his wrinkled face rapidly changed expressions, from confusion to annoyance.

“ _Is this a joke? Are you mocking me?"_ Juliana felt like she was a child being scolded and all she wanted to do was run away. She should’ve known better.

“ _No, sir. I’m afraid not.”_  She took a deep breath and tried to calm her shaking hands. _“I’ve coughed up flower petals on two different occasions and I need your help. I know I sound crazy, I know that. But I need your help, please.”_ She pleaded. He was her last hope, she couldn’t give up on this. 

“ _I see. This is not really my… area of expertise, I suppose. If you could just wait here for a moment, I’ll come back in just a second.”_   Juliana watched as the man rapidly left the room. _Deep breaths, Juliana._ _In and out._

This was good, she thought. This meant someone in the hospital had to know something about her condition. Someone would be able to help her, finally. 

All hope was shattered the moment the doctor came back with a woman with a sympathetic face and kind eyes. Juliana felt relief until she saw her nametag. 

Dr. Flores. _Flowers._ She would laugh at the irony if it wasn’t for her position written right below it: _Chief of psychiatry._

Of course. Who would believe her? She barely believed herself. God, she wanted to cry. 

“ _Hello, Ms. Valdés, I’m here to-“_

_“No! I’m not crazy.”_ She interrupted the woman. She refused to have this conversation. It was _real._ It was not just happening inside her head. If only she could _prove_ it to them, if only she could cough them up right now. But she couldn’t, and she knew exactly why. Valentina wasn’t there. She didn’t understand _how_ or _why_ , but it was connected to her friend. 

She realized that if she said that out loud to her doctors it would sound even worse. _‘I only cough up flower petals when I’m around my friend. Also if you could please not make the straitjacket too tight, that would be lovely.’_

“ _No, I’m sorry I have to go_.” Fuck this, she thought as she grabbed her things and left in a hurry. They would not turn her into something she was not. 

She wasn’t crazy, but she was definitely alone. Who could possibly help her in a situation like this?

As she choked down a sob, her phone started to ring. 

_Valentina._

What was the point of ignoring her any further? She felt guilty about it and she was _so_ tired. She missed her friend. If she could not fix her problem, the least she could do was get some comfort. So she accepted the call.

_“Val, hey…”_

_“Juls! Where have you been? Are you okay?!" I am now_ , she thought. Just hearing Valentina’s voice was enough to soothe something inside of her. 

_“I’m fine, just have been under the weather the past few days.”_ She hated herself for lying to her, but the truth would only hurt both of them. “ _I’m sorry for ghosting.”_

_“Hey, it’s okay. I was just worried.”_  Juliana heard a deep breath from the other side of the line, she didn’t really know what to say. “ _Are you feeling better? Do you wanna hang out?”_ The uncertainty in her voice made her feel even worse. 

_“Yes, of course Val. I’m actually out right now, maybe I could go to your place?”_

_“Yes! I’ll ask Chivis to make us lunch.”_ She paused for a second, “ _Also, don’t worry, Lucho and Sergio won’t bother us today. It’s just us.”_

Juliana smiled to herself. Of course Valentina would notice something, she always did. The girl would always go out of her way to make sure that Juliana was comfortable. 

As the thought entered her mind, she felt the flowers fluttering in her chest. 

_Great timing._

 

* * *

 

 

Juliana Valdés did not grow up with many friends. In fact, she didn’t grow up with friends at all. She vaguely remembers playing with some of the other kids at their trailer park, but did not remember their faces or even names. They stopped playing with her at one point, after their parents learned who El Chino was. The kids would stare at her from a distance, some of them feeling pitiful, others afraid. 

When she first entered school, she learned how to keep it to herself. The others avoided her all the same, but as life grew bitter, so did she. She enjoyed spending time with just herself, not having to bother with others. It was easier this way. 

That didn’t mean she wouldn’t long for friendship at times. That she wouldn’t watch the girls giggle among themselves and share secrets and sleepovers, thinking that _maybe_ if life were kinder to her, she could be one of them. She could freely share hugs and touches with others , share her thoughts and anguishes, share _herself_.  

Then she would come home to the smell of cigarettes and alcohol, the tension in the airand the sinking reminder that life was anything but gentle to her. She could only rely on herself and on her mother, and silly hopes and dreams about friendship were not hers to have. 

In comes Valentina.

Blue, piercing, magnetic eyes. Pools of water that Juliana didn’t mind drowning in. A smile that reminded her of sunshine, that seemed to bring everything around her to life. That same smile who offered her friendship and attention, and for once in her life Juliana allowed herself to accept it.

Although Valentina was by far the most beautiful thing she has ever seen, it was her heart that truly captivated the younger girl. The same heart that would give all of itself to her without asking for anything in return. 

Gentle. Kind. 

Everything that Juliana had been missing in her life, she now found it in the form of her new best friend. 

She could never stay away, no matter how many flower petals she would have to swallow down by force. Valentina was worth it. 

Those were the thoughts that kept her legs moving as she knocked on the giant door of the Carvajal mansion. She felt anxious, as if she would spew flower petals at the mere sight of blue eyes. 

As the door opened, she expected to be greeted with Silvina’s silent judgment, instead, she was met with strong, long arms wrapping her in a bear-like hug.

“ _Juls!”_ She shrieked in her ear, a little _too_ high-pitched, _“I missed you! Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”_ Three days. It wasn’t much, but it _did_ feel like forever for her as well. 

She stepped back, staring at Juliana with concern.

_“Are you feeling better? You look tired.”_

Juliana’s heart clenched at the thought of lying to her again. Instead, she went for the lighter approach. She put her palm over her heart, feigning offense.

“ _Ouch_.” She wiped a fake tear from her eyes.

_“No, silly!”_ Valentina laugh echoed through the house _._ “ _You know what I mean, I was worried about you…”_

_“I know, Val. I am feeling better, though. Trust me.” Liar,_ a small voice whispered in her ears. 

“ _Yeah, right. You look dreadful, I’ve never seen you so pale.”_

_“God, no need to smother a girl with compliments.“_ She had hoped her ill appearance had improved since she left her house, but she should’ve known better. 

_“Come. We’ll lay down and rest. No swimming lessons today!”_ She said grabbing Juliana’s hand and leading her to her room. The ache in her chest shred itself a little bigger by the contact. _Not now, please._

As they reached her room, Valentina rushed to close her curtains and grab a few more pillows and a better comforter. “ _Only the best for my patient today!”_

_“Oh, are we playing doctor?”_ She joked, feeling proud of herself when Valentina stopped in her tracks and looked at her with an indistinguishable smile. 

“ _Sick Juliana is a kinky one, is she? Good to know.”_ It was nothing but a joke, she told herself, but something about her tone made Juliana’s knees a little weaker. 

They both settled into bed, illuminated only by the natural light coming from the hallway.

They were staring at each other in silence when Valentina stroked some of Juliana’s hair away from her face. It was a simple motion, a normal sign of care and friendship that Valentina had shown her a thousand times before. This time, however, something inside of her ached. Memories of little Juliana invaded her mind and a wave of gratitude for the girl in front of her overwhelmed her. 

“ _You know, you really shouldn’t be out and about when you’re like this_ . _You should be home right now, getting chicken soup and watching stupid cartoons.”_

_“I mean, I can go right now if you want me to…”_ She jokingly started.

_“Shut up!”_ Valentina chuckled, shoving her a little. “ _I mean it, though. Next time just tell me to piss off, I’ll_ try _not to take it too personal, I swear.”_

_“Well, that’s a relief!”_ The mood in the room was light, with soft smiles and even softer voices, but Juliana felt as if there was something stuck in her throat, except this time it wasn't a flower petal. She wasn’t one to be vocal about her feelings, or even acknowledge them at all, but she knew that there in the dark with Valentina, she was safe. It wasn’t exactly a confession, nothing but a whisper in the quiet room, but she still felt the heaviness of her own words.

_“I would never say_ no _to you. I think I may like you a little too much for that.”_  She said, unable to stare directly at the blue eyes in front of her. “ _You know, I think you might be my best friend…”_

Something felt off. Was she being too much? She didn’t know Valentina that long, not really. And she knew how many friends the other girl had. She felt a little pathetic at her confession, suddenly wanting to be swallowed whole by the darkness in the room.

“ _Well, thank god_.” That made Juliana stare back, confused by the statement. _“I mean, it would be sort of awkward if you didn’t consider me your best friend, cause you’re surely mine.”_

Valentina was smiling at her, soft and reassuring, as always. Like she knew how much of a big step that was for her. Juliana released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, wanting to laugh at how silly she was being. This was _Valentina_ , of course she would be nothing but wonderful to her. 

Still, something at the back of her mind was bothering her. It was a small voice, an indistinguishable whisper telling her something she could not quite make sense of it. _What is it now? What could possibly be wrong at a moment like this?_  

This was the perfect moment. Something she quietly longed for her entire life. Real friendship. A connection with someone other than her mother. 

What was wrong with her?

_“You know what? I’ll ask Chivis to make us something warm to eat already, probably a soup or something… be right back!”_ The chirpy girl bounced off the bed quickly. 

As her thoughts battled to make sense of the situation, her chest reminded her once more that she still had bigger problems to deal with. She knew what was coming and her heart pounded.

She rushed to the bathroom, locking herself in as she bent over once more. A strong, familiar pressure started to build itself on her rib cages, filling her vision with white spots and blurriness. 

This time it was quick, but still violent. Less than a dozen petals danced around in the water, mocking her. 

Her entire torso hurt as she flushed the toilet, getting rid of the disturbing evidence once more. She was so sick of flowers. 

_“Juls? Are you okay?”_ She heard the muffled sound of Valentina’s voice on the other side of the door. _Don’t make me lie, Val. Please._  

“ _Be_ _right out.”_ It was the best she could do in the moment.

She stared at herself in the mirror light. Somehow, she had managed to look even worse. Her skin looked dry and the dark circles around her eyes got even deeper. Her dark, lifeless hair made a strong contrast against her newfound paleness, all hints of her once sun-kissed skin gone. 

The one thing she was grateful for was that Valentina had not seen any of it. 

She took a deep breath and calmed herself down, trying her best to look presentable not to scare her already worried friend. She knew things wouldn’t go smooth for her, they never did. 

_Breathe._ _In and out._

All she had to do was remember that at the end of the day, Valentina would always be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i got suspended on @acidbeso because twitter is a fascist cunt so for the time being im at @acidbesos mwah

**Author's Note:**

> ladies............... okay first of all this is my first fanfic ever and english aint my first language clearly also no i do not accept constructive criticism i WILL run away crying make no mistake so yeah.gif thank you 
> 
> follow me on twitter i spend all day crying over juliantina/barbarena @acidbeso


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